Alice is Dead 1Edit


Children, have you ever met the bogeyman before? No, of course you haven't for you're much too good, I'm sure. Don't you be afraid of him if he should visit you. He's a great big coward so I'll tell you what to do.

Hush hush hush. Here comes the bogeyman. Don't let him come too close to you. He'll catch you if he can.

Just pretend ... that you're a crocodile, and you will find that bogeyman will run away a mile.
Say "shoo shoo" and stick him with a pin. Bogeyman will very nearly jump out of his skin.
Say "buzz buzz" just like the wasp that stings. Bogeyman will think you are an elephant with wings.

Hush hush hush. Here comes the bogeyman.

Tell him you've ... got soldiers in your bed, for he will never guess that they are only made of lead.

Say "hush hush". He'll think that you're asleep. If you make a lovely snore, away he'll softly creep.
Sing this tune ... you children one and all. Bogeyman will run away; he'll think it's Henry Hall.

When the shadows of the evening creep across the sky, and your mommy comes upstairs to sing a lullaby.
Tell her that the bogeyman no longer frightens you. Uncle Henry's very kindly told you what to do.

Hush hush hush. Here comes the bogeyman. Don't let him come too close to you. He'll catch you if he can.

Just pretend ... your teddy bear's a dog, then shout out "fetch him, Teddy", and he'll hop off like a frog.

Say "meaaow". Pretend that you're a cat. He'll think you may scratch him. That will make him fall down flat.
Just pretend ... he isn't really there. You will find the bogeyman will vanish in thin air.

Here's one way ... to catch him without fail: Just keep a little salt with you (and put it on his tail).

Alice is Dead 2Edit

Hatter ConversationEdit

Hatter: Well, if it isn't the Rabbit come to see 'is ol' pal the 'atter.

  • Do I know you?
  • Who the hell are you?

Hatter: I have the card in me 'ead, but you have the mem'ry problems? Hhhahahahahahaha.

  • I guess I do. Mind telling me where we are?
  • Whatever. Where are we?

Hatter: We're in Wonderland Jail.

  • Jail? What for?
  • Fantastic. Dare I ask why?

Hatter: I was arrested fer ... mis-behaving. As for you, well I ... I have no idea why you were arrested. Hehehehehehe.

  • Well I'm going to get out of here.
  • I've had enough of you, I'm out of this place.

Hatter: You want to escape? Well, if you can think of a way out, come back an' tell me.

  • Alright, I'm going to go check things out. [Leave]
  • Fine, but I hope it's the last time I see you. [Leave]
    • I think Lewis has a key.
    • The dead guy in my cell has a key.

Hatter: You need to get the key out of Lewis? Well, then you'll probably need to find the magical nut.

  • Pardon?
  • A magical nut? Shut up.

Hatter: Sometimes, you need a nut ... to get in a nut.

  • Can you please ... be more clear?
  • Just explain what the damn nut does.

Hatter: It'll shrink you, that's what it'll do, but only for a few monents, so you must work quickly.

  • And then...?
  • Cut to the chase, Hatter.

Hatter: You need to find the magical nUT stILL.

  • I'll get on that. [Leave]
  • Well I found one nut, you, but I'll try finding another. [Leave]
    • I found it.
    • I found your damn stink nut.

Hatter: Good, now just cut open Lewis ... and whisper your DARkest secret into the nut.

  • Cut him open? There's no other way?
  • Cut open Lewis? Are you mad? Oh, right.

Hatter: You're gonna probably want to cut him where the key is, so you don't have to travel down his throat or up 'is ... Look, you'll probably just want to cut him open.

  • Well then, I better get started. Bye. [Leave]
  • I hope this works so I don't have to see you again. [Leave]

Hatter: Nice seein' you too, Rabbit.


Guard 1: Any sign coming up on the five-oh-one? Over.[1]

Guard 2: Negative on that. Over.

Guard 3: [mumbling] safely dispatch him.

Guard 2: He's out! Somebody grab him!


Guard 4: What is that? Somebody get down there. Hello? [music plays][3] Someone come in! Hello?

  1. Something is going on outside...
  2. What the hell is going on...
  3. Where is that music coming from?


Tell me, have you ever heard this melody?

Da dya dya dyadada dyada dyaya.

A melody that's made an awful hit with me. [?]

Da dya dya dyadada dyada dyaya.

I don't know where I heard it, but I liked it from the start.
It seems that I preferred it, 'cause it's gone right to my heart.

Nearly lodged in my brain.
I believe I'm insane. [?]
Ooooh how I love that strain ... of me-lo-dy.

Dya daaaa da dyadada dyada dyaya.

Where have I heard that melody? It seems soooo familiar to me.
It goes da dya dya dyadada dyadya dyaya.

It floated in the air. It's everywhere. I hear it here. I hear it there.

yadadada dadida dadodododa-idadadadadaaaa.

I love- I love- I love it so. It's got hoooold, wherever I go. [?]

Where is it from? I cannot help but huuuum ...

Dya daaaa dya dyadada dyada dyaya.

I'm nearly wild about ... can't do without ... that haunting ... me-lo-dy.


Doctor Raymond Burr was a cowardly man with a big heart, until he lost all his money.

Alice is Dead 3Edit


... ...

Henchman: Hey there, I meant to call you, but a lot off stuff's goin' on right now, so-

Queen: Start at the beginning ... What happened?

Henchman: Well, Alice tried to kill the Rabbit, like you told her ...

Queen: ... And?

Henchman: Well, there was a struggle. Alice was killed and the Rabbit ... lost his memory.

Queen: Good. problem solved, then, right?

Henchman: No- eh-a not exactly ...

Queen: What do you mean "not exactly"?

Henchman: Well, the memories came back ... he came looking for us.

Queen: WHAT? ... Eh. How do you know that?

Henchman: We caught him; brought him to wonderland jail.

Queen: Well, just kill him now, then. I don't see why we're having this co-

Henchman: He escaped. This is where it gets a little fuzzy.

Queen: FUZZY? ... Hm. What do you mean "fuzzy"?

Henchman: Fuzzy as in we don't know what happened. Every guard was dead; real slaughtered.

Queen: Well, dammit, where is he now?

Henchman: I dunno, but we're lookin' for him. He won't know what hi- [loud noise]

[line busy]

Queen: Hello? Hello?

Phone callsEdit

Answering MachineEdit

Mad Hatter: Hey Rabby, It's your ol' pal the 'atter. Just thought you'd like to know, our old friend The QuEEn is in town, and you might want to go pay him a visit; give him a piece of our mind, you know? You kn-ahahaha.

Mary Ann: Rabbit, I don't know what happened, but I've closed shop. Everything has been scrubbed and I'll remain dark until I hear from you.

Bells, Bells, Bells[1]Edit

... ...
-ou've reached the March Hare's Bell Emporium,[2] servicing wonderland's bell needs since however long we've been in business. I'm afraid the March Hare, that's me, ain't in right now. Please call back during regular business hours. And don't forget to ask about our new bell recycling program. If there's one thing that really boils my biscuits, it's a bloke who carries around a bell that he don't even need... Now leave a message.

  1. I wonder what number this is...
  2. Oh you've GOT to be kiddng.
  3. Well I don't believe this.


... ...[2]
[tune plays][3]

  1. Might as well dial every number scribbled on a wall.
  2. I don't know anyone named Boris...
  3. This song...what is going on.


... ...[2]
We're sorry, but all officers are currently busy with an incident at Wonderland Jail.[3]

  1. You shouldn't just...oh well.
  2. This seems like a bad idea.
  3. My bad.


... ...
Sorry I can't take ye call right now. I'm probably out making a... killing? Pffhhhhhahahaha.

  1. I'm not sure I want him to answer...

Jwocky Slots LLC[1]Edit

... ...
Access granted.[2]

  1. Curiouser and curiouser...
  2. Access granted to what...


... ...
Stop calling me.[2]

  1. This can't be good..
  2. That did not sound like a her.

Teapot Cleaners[1]Edit

... ...
Have a stain you really want gone?[2] Need to make filth or grime disappear like it never even existed? Then Teapot Cleaners has you covered, with great service and prices that kill. If you go with anyone else, you must be mad.[3]

  1. I hope she's doing okay.
  2. Ann always had a taste for the dramatic...
  3. I don't think that's a real cleaning company.

Rulio ConversationEdit

Rulio: Psst, hey uh, you interested in some mushrooms, Peaches?

  • What do they do?
  • No. And don't call me peaches.

Rulio: They help take of the edge, you know. Uh, they help you relax.

  • What do you want for one?
  • I'm not interested.

Rulio: Just bring me a shiny.

  • I'll come back if I find one.
  • Never mind, I'm not interested.
    • I think I found a Shiny.
    • Still not interested.

Rulio: Got a shiny?

Rulio: Come back if you change your mind, Peaches, heh?

Rulio: Nice doin' business with you, Peaches.

Rulio: Hey, Peaches. I got one of those too. Here, take it. And don't say I never did anything nice for you.


(Alice is dead)

I want you ... to know ... that you've fallen through a hole in the sky.
The strangers ... welcome you. (welcome) As you lose your sanity, they touch your soul.

Let them into your mind. Let them into ... Let me in you.

(Alice is dead)

I want you ... to know ... that the smoke billows out the depths of the pipe.
Caress you ... It makes you ... believe anything; all the truths, all the lies.

Let them into your mind. Let them into ... Let me in you.

Let them into your mind. Let them in to ... let me in you.

Ma-gic po-tions, grinning fur. It's all a blur. It's all a blur.

Ma-gic poi-sons, royal tea. Run screaming. Run screaming to me.

I want you to know ... (Alice is dead)

I want you to know ... (Alice is dead)

Let them into your mind. Let them in to ... let me in you.

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